The Hard Truth about Fat-Cat CEO’s

Sometimes Recessionwire carries a certain bias, one that supports the out-of-worker and opposes the big, bad CEO. As a fair and balanced news source, we find it necessary to provide the reader a glimpse of both sides of the coin. What really goes on in the life of some of the world’s most powerful people? To find out, we get the perspective of the CEO of DASSCC (Dynamic Analysts and Synergetic Systems Consultants Corporation), Peter B. Gibbonsworth, in a segment we like to call: Myth…And Busted…

Love Letters from the Recession

We get a lot of mail at Recessionwire, but this one, clearly intended for another recipient, caught our eye. With Valentine’s Day upon us, we thought we’d share:

Dear XXXX-

I want to read you a love poem, one of my favorite poems; a poem by the late poet William Carlos Williams. The poem is called This is Just to Say (1934):

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast…

The Starbucks Guide to Job Status

Roman bath houses, or thermae, were massive public spheres (the Baths of Diocletian covered almost one and a half million square feet) that served as public gathering spots for every cross-section of society. Today, we have Starbucks.

CFO’s, soccer moms, drifters, aspiring musicians and more aspiring musicians all wait on line together. And then there’s you, a worker type. You could be unemployed, passing yourself off as a 9-to-5er. Or, you’re collecting a fancy salary but you’d like to pretend you’re one of the unwashed—you know, for kicks. You know which one you are, but can your co-caffeinators tell? It’s all right there in your order.

Espresso, Cream, No Sugar, to go-

You are gainfully employed. Usually you would be at work now, but you had to take a trip to the bank to deposit all of those paychecks and were in the area (of course you were). Plus, some extra caffeine will give that extra boost you need to pump out the Ralston account and serve as a responsible and contributing member of the work force. Drink up, you deserved it!

Starbucks Doubleshot on Ice, with an extra Espresso shot, to go-

You are painfully employed. No one should need that much caffeine. Yes, I’ve heard Voltaire drank between 20 and 30 cups a day, but you are not in the process of writing Dictionnaire Philosophique…