Love in the Time of Layoff: Recession Helps Relationships Take Root

Timing-wise, it wasn’t the most promising beginning.

He was headed to the opposite coast. But the thousands of miles of separation was the least of our potential problems.

We started dating in the midst of one of the most stressful periods in both of our lives. I had just been laid off from a job I loved, and my industry seemed to be imploding. He would be gone for an unspecified period of time to reorganize his company and — he hoped — keep it from going under.

We were worried about money and questioning our careers. One of us had been stripped of title and paycheck, and was adjusting to a new identity. The other was wondering whether the enterprise he had built from scratch could survive the year…

I’m pretty certain that I would still be carrying on my relationship if I hadn’t lost my job. But it probably would have progressed more slowly. The downturn not only gave us more time and flexibility, it allowed us to see each other clearly and refocus our values.

Love in the Time of Layoff: Desperation Dating

Getting laid off in the throes of a recession is tough, but getting laid in a recession is, well, not.

It’s true: unemployment has done wonders for my dating life. Had I known it ten years ago, I would have surely done everything within my power to get canned. But like most women, I had rent to pay and dead-end jobs to contend with until I got kicked out of both places on the same day.

Now that I have all the time in the world to kill, there’s no end to the possibilities.

I’ve got a laptop and libido, what more do I need? Whether it’s online or on the streets of Boston, I’ve dated more men in the last six months that I have over the course of six years. Maybe it’s the fact that there are lotsa people out there with lotsa time on their hands. And because dating is so similar to the job search process they almost seem to go hand-in-hand (minus the alcohol). I toggle between Monster and Match…

Love in the Time of Layoff: Unemployment Jacked Up My Libido

Up until recently, if anyone had bothered to ask about my sex drive (which they never did), I would have said it was normal. I enjoyed sex as much as the next woman. But like many urban professionals, I was often too busy thinking about, say, the implications of some new regulation to give much thought to the sexual impulses that spiraled through my brain each day like dust motes.

Now that I have traded in my dry-cleaned, button-down, inoffensively colored work shirts for a set of neon green pajamas, the dust is gathering attention.

If I’m any example, unemployed girls do it better–or at least they want to do it more. Layoff has sent my libido to frenzied new heights…

Love in the Time of Layoff: Truisms from Our Time

Okay all you lovers out there, so what do you know about dating, living and loving in the recession? Budgets for lavish dates and gifts have shrunk; long-term plans for established relationships have been somewhat downsized; and we’re all perhaps a little more deliberate in our dating than we were in the boom times. Things have changed–not least in the way you appreciate your mate. Below, some of the new realities that have emerged in these tough times:

You don’t need to spend a lot to get a lot. In a guest post, “Funky Brown Chick” Twanna A. Hines wrote about getting laid without laying out too much for it. Try renting porn flicks, buy sex toys, and try mixing it up by getting out of town on the cheap.

There are countless options for romantic dates on a budget…

Love in the Time of Layoff: Cheap Sex

Don’t let the state of the declining economy reduce the richness of pleasure in your sex life.

I wouldn’t go out with a guy who refused to spend resources — time, energy, effort or money — on our date. It’s not about the ka-ching. It’s about value. I deserve a life filled with excitement, happiness and sexual richness regardless of mine or my lover’s bank account balance. In case you want the same, I enlisted a few friends and fellow writers of the sexy stuff to provide tips that pump up the heat without pushing out a lot of cash.

Eat, Drink, and Be Sexy

“Human beings are social creatures by nature,” says sex and relationship educator Reid Mihalko. “Building intimacy and fostering feelings of connectedness, especially during tough economic times, can be a cheap and powerful way to make your relationship recession proof!” You could cook at home, but that might feel routine and uninspired. Instead of upscale feasts at overpriced establishments, opt for cozy but sophisticated family-run eateries…

Love in the Time of Layoff: Back to Work

Last month, my husband Marco subbed for me here, since I was too busy throwing up to write a post. This month, the nausea has at last subsided and I’ve got lots to say.

The start-up I’ve helped launch has taken off, and Marco has freelance work again. His new gig starts this week. (Let’s hear it for the latest news about the economy!) While you’d think I’d be ecstatic about my partner going back to work, relieving me of sole breadwinner duties, I’m mixed. It’s been a blessing having him at home cooking meals, unpacking boxes, helping me get through the day. He set up my desk and I’ve been happily working from home, feet up on the radiator to relieve the constant swelling, but I’ve become something I never thought I, a woman who prides herself on her independence, would become in this particular relationship: clingy. When we’re home together, I don’t even like to be in separate rooms…

Love in the Time of Layoff: The Appeal of Employment

Raj had me almost at hello, but he didn’t seem to realize it. As so often happens, the same was true in the reverse, as well—but we two somewhat wary people didn’t realize it on our first meeting. We had sat in the park after a friend suggested we meet (we could “be good contacts for one another”) and shared stories from our lives. We parted with no further plans.

As weeks passed, I wondered if there was a way to meet up with Raj again. I planned to invite him to a party I would throw. And then, out of nowhere, an email: “Call me urgently.” Two minutes later, we were on the phone. He was charming and funny—and he had a proposal, a potentially very lucrative project that would come from one of his clients. My thrill at hearing from Raj was a bit deflated by the absence of romance in it, but I was also very happy and relieved to have work fall into my lap, as I needed it very badly.

It’s always tricky to mix up work and romance, but in this downturn, I couldn’t ignore the very real tug of the rent, loans, bills piling up. So if I couldn’t have Raj as my boyfriend, at least there was something else I might get out of this encounter: some much needed peace of mind…

Love in the Time of Layoff: 10 Things Not to Say to Your Laid-Off Man

In case you hadn’t heard, the economy is in worse shape than Artie Lange. So it shouldn’t come as a total shock if your boyfriend, husband, or dude-you’re-kinda-seeing-but-don’t-know-what-to-call-him gets a pink memo.

Ease the pain by avoiding the following NSFAGWOOW (Not Safe For A Guy Who’s Out Of Work) phrases. That way you won’t make things worse for a guy who’s already had a horrible week ego-wise.

10. “Oh my god! What are we gonna do?”
For starters, let’s not freak out. Right now your guy needs support, not another fire to put out, and losing your cool is only going to make things worse…

Love in the Time of Layoff: Sugar Mama Days

“Let’s stop and get bakery,” he said. I closed the refrigerator, leaving behind the eggs and fruit we might have eaten. We got in my car and drove to the roadside cafe.

I ordered a blueberry muffin; he ordered a cheese-filled croissant. The total was $6. I paid.

He hadn’t even made a move for his wallet. And it wasn’t the first time.

Six months ago, I was laid off from a job I loved and a salary I really, really loved (you would, too). I left with a nice little pile of severance and had accumulated a substantial 401K. My savings were okay, too. But I was single. It makes a difference, it turns out.

When I met Sugar Boy, he was very clear: He was a dog-walker; he was a painter…

Love in the Time of Layoff: Surviving a Split

Getting laid off by your boss is one thing, but downsized in your relationship? Often, that’s harder.

Jessica did not see it coming. According to the celebrity press, Ms. Simpson and Tony Romo had locked it down. He had won over her finicky dad and the rest of her posse. They ignored the hounding press and developed their own happy hideaway. But July 9, Romo called it quits, leaving Jessica “sad, mad, and confused.”

Getting dumped always sucks, no matter what else is going on in your life, or in the world. And recessions are no barrier against divorce and separation. Just ask Jon and Kate, or Amy Winehouse (well, not the best example), or Timothy Hutton, who is splitting with his wife of nine years…