The worst of company reductions might be over, said the New York Times the other day—but only because there’s nothing left to slash. Obviously the firms surveyed aren’t being creative enough. You can always eliminate punctuation, which takes up costly time, ink, and pixels. (We use lots of it, so we know how expensive it can get.)

people silhouettes 150It had been a while since the He-Man had gotten together to sip lattes and catch up. As usual, the shop talk gave way to gossip and anecdotes. TJ was recounting a disagreement he had with his wife, Jenny.

“So I was on the computer late one evening. The kids were asleep and my wife was reading in bed. Or so I thought. Suddenly she walks in and says ‘What are you doing?’ I turn around and say ‘What does it look like I’m doing? I’m filling out my unemployment insurance application.’” Jenny was shocked.

“Christ, I don’t think she would have been half as mad if I was downloading porn,” TJ said…

Jimmy Cayne Dealer ThumbnailEveryone is slamming C.E.O.s for their incompetence and excessive spending (conveniently forgetting that two years ago we didn’t care as long as we were making money, too). These guys don’t need to be judged—they need sympathy, understanding, and most of all, job advice. So we thought we’d suggest second careers for some of the Recession’s fallen corporate heroes.

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