Sometimes Recessionwire carries a certain bias, one that supports the out-of-worker and opposes the big, bad CEO. As a fair and balanced news source, we find it necessary to provide the reader a glimpse of both sides of the coin. What really goes on in the life of some of the world’s most powerful people?  To find out, we get the perspective of the CEO of DASSCC (Dynamic Analysts and Synergetic Systems Consultants Corporation), Peter B. Gibbonsworth, in a segment we like to call: Myth…And Busted.

Myth I: All CEOs are chubby male WASPs.

…And Busted: This old rumor! I certainly understand where it comes from, but I do believe I serve as a fine counterexample. Yes I am a male. Yes I do pack on a few extra Krispy Kremes (shout out to CEO James Morgan!). And yes I am white and I happen to attend a Protestant church. But, as anyone can tell you, the Gibbonsworths are a quarter Dutch. I kid you not. Mom’s mom. The Janssens. Also I’m pretty sure the CEO of Nabisco, or Cisco, or some corporation is a woman. I think, might want to check that out though. Busted!

Myth II: We live unnecessarily opulent, luxurious lives.

…And Busted: Again, I can appreciate how this nasty gossip started. There’s been talk about CEOs having fleets of private jets, multiple villas on the Mediterranean, private chefs that only prepare the finest of foods and Swiss bank accounts. But again, my confused readers, I prove this myth wrong myself. This “greedy” CEO only has one private jet, and I share it with John Travolta. I only have one villa and it’s in Croatia, not even really a Mediterranean country. I’ve been known to eat inorganic food from time to time and even served Trader Joe hors d’oeuvres at my Huckabee fundraiser. And, really, tell me that you don’t have a Swiss bank account. Really? You don’t? Hm. Well, anyway. Busted!

Myth III: We didn’t put in the effort to get where we are.

…And Busted: Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize proving yourself over three brothers to take over Dad’s position was a shrimp cocktail on the yacht! You try convincing dad that Franklin’s too liberal-minded, Kevin’s an alcoholic and Paul’s too ugly to be the face of any company. Try it, yeah, and then get back to me. Busted!

Myth IV: We don’t know what actually goes on inside of the company.

…And Busted: Easy. I’ll tell ya right now. Here at Dynamic Analysts Corp. Consultants…what? Right, as I said, Dynamic Analysts and Synergetic Systems Consultants Corporation, each and every day we strive to provide our clients with the most…dynamic and systematical consultation systems to help analyze synergies. We’re a corporation. Busted!

Myth V: The amount of money I make is drastically disproportionate to how hard I work.

…And Busted: Okay, this one is a bit tricky to bust…and I think I’m sort of out of space, so I’ll get back to you. Busted!

Toss out your econ books and get your nose out of the financial section, because the best real-world lessons for surviving a recession aren’t in any textbooks or newspapers. They’re staring you down on Jersey Shore—the MTV reality series about eight 20-somethings struggling to find their true selves while living in a world awash in recession.

Okay, so the actual focus of Jersey Shore might not entirely be on educating people about the recession, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t lessons to be learned from watching it. After the jump, five recession lessons we’ve picked up from watching Jersey Shore.

Start performing at work or you will be replaced. Slacker employees may have had more leeway in the past, but employers have the advantage in a recession where the unemployment rate is hovering at 10.4 percent. Take it from Angelina, who got fired from her gig at a T-shirt shop for failing to show up and was subsequently booted from the show.

Invest in your career. Sure, it’s important to stay frugal during a recession. But that doesn’t necessarily apply if you’re spending money to further your career. Look at JWoww, the Long Island “model” who’s reportedly planning on spending her Jersey Shore earnings on a second breast augmentation procedure in order to look as good as possible for the next season of the show.

Choose where to save and splurge. Decide for yourself where you’re willing to cut back, and then use the money you saved to finance the things you enjoy the most. Mike “The Situation” certainly understands the concept, which is why he and the rest of the cast saved money on expensive group meals by eating at home during filming and spent their extra cash on drinks at the clubs.

Buy in bulk whenever possible. When it comes to everyday staples, buying in volume can save you time and money. Just look at Pauly D, the Rhode Island DJ who says he buys his I-C-E Spiker hair gel in bulk, just in case it ever gets discontinued.

Become your own brand. Personal branding is important these days, as Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi certainly appears to understand. From her unique  dance moves to her signature poof, Snooki has already started parlaying her act from reality TV star to club host and university lecturer, thanks in part to the completely unique personal brand she developed on the show.

True friends are there for you through both good times and bad, and when the chips are down, you find out that dog is indeed man’s best friend.

In a recent study of 400 Americans, a majority stated that their pets’ emotional support and non-judgmental attitude are key to helping them survive challenging times.  Whether it’s financial struggles, job loss, or general anxiety, your dog’s got your back:

Provides structure: In an uncertain economy, the steady presence of your dog is invaluable. You may not have a job to be at every morning, but your dog still has to be walked and won’t let you wallow the day away in bed. Your best friend brings out the best in you.  Not only will you get some exercise and possible human interaction, but you’ll be more likely to stay on track with your job search efforts.

Lifts mood: A long massage or new shoes are surefire ways to get in a better mood, IF you’ve got the dough to pay for them, but cuddling on the couch with your dog is always free. Let’s not forget that your pup will be just as happy playing tug of war with an old rag as he would be with an expensive new toy, plus he’s actually happy that you’re home all day and will never ask if you’ve found a job yet.

Gives you something to do: Next time the Joneses are showing off their new cars, bigger paychecks (it’s possible), or just rubbing it in your face that they actually have a job, you can call Fido and ask him to fetch you a beer from the fridge. Or impress your friends by having him do a somersault followed by a paw wave and a cute bow at the end. Teaching your dog complex new tricks can give you a real sense of accomplishment, and no one will be able to accuse you of just sitting on the couch watching TV all day.

Entertainment: You may have had to cut your outing budget, maybe even your movie channels, but your dog’s antics can provide you with plenty of entertainment. Does he run in circles chasing his tail or strut around the house with your dirty socks in his mouth? Sit back and enjoy the show, and maybe learn a lesson or two about appreciating the little things in life in the meantime. On sunny days, your dog is always up for hikes that get you out and about without spending any money.

Perseverance: We humans have a lot to learn from dogs about not giving up. Does your dog chase squirrels, cats or birds? Chances are he’s never going to get one, but he’ll never stop trying. He’ll take a nap, refuel, and be ready to run faster next time the opportunity presents itself. But even more than he believes in himself, your dog believes in you. You may be losing confidence, but your dog never doubts that you will always find a way to take care of him.

Aloofness is out, warmth is in. Flaming is out, gushing is in.

A story in this week’s New York Observer proclaims that we’re faceing the New Nice, even — perhaps especially — in nasty old New York. Entered into evidence: Tina Fey on the cover of Vogue, the Academy Awards including more best picture nominees, Lady Gaga expressing gratitude to her fans.

That’s this attitude shift due to? In part, the recession.

“Perhaps it’s not surprising that we find ourselves softer and more empathetic when so many of us are unemployed and our city’s largest moneymaking industry has been publicly dressed down,” writes Meredith Bryan.

She quotes literary PR consultant Lauren Cerand: “That very cynical voice worked really well from 2003 to 2006.”

But is it good news? Not for everyone–especially those who don’t buy it, and thinks we’re all just being insincere. Also on the downside, earnestness begets junk like this marketing video from Yale, which has made the bile rise in countless  throats around the country.

Every so often, the New York Times publishes a travel feature called “36 Hours in —-,” featuring a weekend-long itinerary for a specific city. We think they may have missed a few things in the recession – a look at Philadelphia, for one.

When Ben Franklin first arrived in Philadelphia, he only carried a spare change of clothes and a loaf of bread under each arm. If being poor in Philly is good enough for America’s Founding Father, it’s good enough for you. It would be so much fun to see Independence Hall, or the Philadelphia Museum of Art, an Eagles game or even a skyscraper, but we’re going to be responsible about our vacation and stick to West Philadelphia, home of row houses, the Market-Frankford Line and some of the most dangerous street corners this side of midnight.

Friday
12:30 p.m.
Brunch
You can never wake up too late in West Philly. Be sure to make your down the street, any street, to find a restaurant with a rusted red sign that you can’t read. A male’s first name was probably once painted on it with the possessive or without, like “Bobby’s” or “Richard.” Order some scrapple (traditional mush of pork scrap, trimmings, cornmeal and flour), and because you are in the birthplace of Tastykake®, get that scrapple with a side of Butterscotch Krimpet® to go. Take a squat on the curb and eat your meal while eyeing the man to your left, who is currently eyeing you. Don’t offer him a bite because he’ll probably ask for the whole thing.

1:15 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.
Row Houses
Walk around to burn off all that hydrogenated corn double dextrose and make your way to some row houses. Choose one and imagine the underprivileged yet hilarious life of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air before he moves to Bel-Air. Think about a fictional joke he might make about his big ears or the pros and cons of charter schools, and laugh to yourself because laughter is free. Continue to walk and generally drift until you get hungry enough for dinner.

7:00 p.m.
Cheesesteak
While it might be cute to take a trip downtown and make it to Pat’s or Geno’s famous cheesesteak establishments, they’re like $7.50, not even including transport. Find a local place but not one with lights in the window – that just adds to overhead. Order a cheesesteak, but make sure to say you heard about the place from Quin, with one n, and it will be like $4.00 max. Get home before it gets dark. Mom always said nothing good happens after midnight, and nothing good happens in West Philadelphia after 8:00.

Saturday
12:30 p.m.
More Tastykake® and Screaming Religious Fanatic
Wake up, go into some bright yellow restaurant with a silver crown painted above the door. Their Tastykake® are unexplainably twenty cents cheaper than anywhere else. This time try a Koffee Cupcake®. Please try to pay in coins (just trust me). Walk out of the silver crowned restaurant and fail to avoid eye contact with the screaming man with a scepter, a bible and a gold painted moustache. Have him tell you, in broken English, about the accumulation of your sins from this life and past, and how only one man can redeem your soul. Be wary about walking away because the scepter looks sharp or else heavy. Wait until he gets tired, loses consciousness, or finds a soul more scarred than your own and make your way to the nearest trolley stop. Take a trolley up a few blocks (being careful to touch as little surface area as possible) and walk/drift back for a few hours.

4:30 p.m.
Getting Out of West Philadelphia
Get to the train station. Get aboard the wrong train because the South Eastern Pennsylvania Transit Authority has a fondness for using the same name for opposite lines, get off when you realize your mistake, take a different train back to your original station, and then finally take the right train home. You made it.

If obsessing about unemployment figures, market drops, and inflation rates hasn’t helped improve your financial situation over the past year, it might be time to try something else. Like, say, ignoring the recession entirely and pretending it doesn’t exist.

It’s not hard to do. With the swipe of a credit card and the purchase of a $2,500 Swarovski-embellished handbag, you can be right back where you were before the recession began—deep in debt and surrounded by shiny luxury goods.

Here, a round-up of our favorite ridiculous items and goods that might help take your mind off of the country’s financial crisis, at least until your next credit card statement arrives in the mail.

Cashmere Toilet Paper—It has been a rough recession, but your behind doesn’t need to suffer any longer. The UK supermarket chain Waitrose recently introduced what it calls “the most luxurious bathroom tissue” ever, made from cashmere extracts. At $3.50 for four rolls of paper, it may not be as cheap as the eco-friendly rolls you buy at Costco, but at least it’s a lot cheaper than the cashmere sweater you’ve been eyeing at Saks.

Louis Vuitton’s Trash Bag Purse—What better way is there to pay homage to the worst year of your life than by paying $1,996 for a trash bag? Not literally, of course, but the Louis Vuitton’s Raindrop Besace Trash Bag Purse, which is made of canvas and leather but designed to look like a trash bag. It’s not available until spring, though, which gives you a couple more months to save up.

iVIP Black iPhone App—Return to a time when everyone spent like millionaires no matter how much cash they had on hand by paying $999 for iVIP Black, an iPhone application that acts as a personal concierge service. The company says the app is for “available to high net worth individuals only,” although the number of individuals fitting that description is probably far fewer today than in pre-recession times.

Sugar Factor Couture Lollipops—Nothing says the recession is over like buying a couture lollipop, right? Then again, at $22 per lollipop it might be worth hoping that a candy-induced sugar coma ends up erasing the memory of how much you spent per lick.

The Plaza Hotel’s Presidential Suite—If you’ve been forced out of your home due to foreclosure, then checking in to the Plaza Hotel’s Presidential Suite ought to take your mind off of the situation. Of course, you could put the $20,000-a-night you’d be spending to stay at the hotel toward a down payment on a new house, but that wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.

“Everybody agrees that the recession is over,” said Larry Summers, the President’s top economic adviser, in December. Whew. Glad that’s behind us. Now we can get back to our fifth homes, start trading again on mortgage-backed securities (boy, those days were good!), and stop feigning embarrassment over paying retail. What’s more—it’s okay to fly private-jet again!

According to aviation research firm Argus, private aircraft travel was up 5.3% in January over the same time last year. Woo hoo!

So here are some friendlier skies we’d like to see spring back up soon, so that everything is back to normal.

• Send profligate corporate heads to Congressional hearings where they can discuss budget inconsistencies.
• Let all executives above the level of assistant fly NetJet or FlexJet or WasteJet—as long as each leg is at least $1,000 to $2,000 per ticket.
• Equip all C-level executives with their own jets—Lear, Gulfstream, whatever. Just as long as they’re new, not… refurbished (shudder!).
• Hangars for all, in every city.
• Full-time staff for each jet.

Yes. The world already begins to feel right again…

My parents always say things like “back in my day…the world was a better place” or “back in my day…we didn’t need e-mail to have a good time.” Here’s how I see it:

The Fifties
I get out of bed and put my slippers on. Everything is in grayscale. My wife has prepared a beautiful smorgasbord of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and cereal flakes. My blond son, Timmy, and my blonde daughter, Diane, both tell me how they are so proud of their father. I smile and one of my front teeth literally sparkles. We all giggle. The golden retriever giggles too. I tell Timmy he had better eat his cereal flakes if he wants to get big and mighty like Hank Aaron. We all pray to family values and thank God we don’t live in Russia.

When I get into work, my secretary compliments me on my clean and neat haircut. She gives me many reports I won’t read. I drink three glasses of scotch, smoke a pack of cigarettes, have conversations that might seem racially insensitive with today’s standards and eventually end up at a meeting in which we are told the company is growing at an outstanding rate.

I return home, sock hop for an hour or two and repeat.

The Sixties/Seventies
I get out of bed and put my slippers on. Everything is in color, but a bit too bright and with a lot of neon. My wife is making French toast but doing that dance where she makes V’s with her hands and draws them across her eyes. She serves the French toast and then does that dance where she puts her hands on her knees and continually crosses them. My two twins have longish hair. My older son seems in a daze and it’s rubbing me the wrong way. I eye him as I cut my French toast. I tell him he’s going to need to get his act together if he’s going to be the next Carl Yastrzemski. I eye him down some more.

When I get into work, my secretary compliments me on my tight-fitting suit and willowy sideburns. She gives me many reports I won’t read. We discuss current fads like mood rings and feminism and eventually end up in a meeting in which we are told the company is opening up branches in London, Brussels and Los Angeles.

I return home, do the twist for an hour or two and repeat.

The Eighties/Nineties
I get out of bed and put my slippers on. I look at the hand-painted murals of Ronald Reagan on the living room wall for three to four minutes. My wife is making eggs. When she serves them, I loudly say “Where’s the beef?” and everyone erupts in laughter, including my nosy neighbor Mr. Peterson who’s watching us in the window. I tell my son, seriously, you need to eat beef if you’re going to get big like Barry Bonds.

When I get into work, my secretary compliments me on my “Frankie Says Relax” T-Shirt, denim jacket, and faded jeans with rips at the knees. In the meeting, the boss says, “the company is bankrupt…” and then follows with: “Psych!” That whole “Psych!” thing gets me good. We decide to invest in the internet, and Apple.

I return home, put in face time for the wife’s Tupperware party, and repeat.

Today
I get out of bed and put my Crocs on. When I get downstairs my wife gives me a bowl of store-brand Oats n’ Flakes n’ Bran. My son is using technology I don’t understand. I Twitter, “the milk is warm.” My wife blogs that because we are in such a recession, we can only afford to purchase warm milk. This logic evades me, but I accept it. I comment on her post, asking if she needs me to pick up the kids from school. She does. I tell my son if he wants to get fast like Usain Bolt he should run home from school.

When I get to work, I check my e-mail. My bosses sent me a lot of graphs with big red arrows going downwards. I check LinkedIn, Facebook, MySpace, Friendster, Ibibo, lolcats, my blog, my blog’s blog, my Twitter’s Facebook, et cetera, until we have a meeting. In the meeting our boss says, “The company might be bankrupt…Psych! We’re definitely bankrupt. Get your stuff together and leave.”

I return home, put on a pair of skinny jeans, do some Sudoku, and repeat.

We get a lot of mail at Recessionwire, but this one, clearly intended for another recipient, caught our eye. With Valentine’s Day upon us, we thought we’d share:

Dear XXXXXX-

I want to read you a love poem, one of my favorite poems; a poem by the late poet William Carlos Williams. The poem is called This is Just to Say (1934):

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

This is a love poem. I’m giving it to you because I love you. But I’m also giving it to you because I think it drives home a few worthwhile, key points.

First of all, please note that This is Just to Say was written in 1934, right at the beginning of the recovery from the Great Depression. A period of time not *cough* unlike current times. A period of time when couples maybe couldn’t afford all of the plums (or cute trinkets from Pier 1, or subscriptions to Vogue) they would normally be able to under a more flourishing economy. So let’s be happy with what we’ve got. At least we’re not eating out of an icebox.

The poem teaches an important lesson along the lines of first come first serve. As far as fairness goes, this policy is definitely up there. So, if I happen to get to the mint chocolate chip ice cream in the middle of the night, this is just to say, Forgive me. Or if you wait too long to eat the box of chocolates now sitting on your dresser, Forgive me. Forgive me, Forgive me. Love means never having to save the last piece.

Also, I want you to note the poet’s name. William Carlos Williams. His given name is William Williams. That’s terrible. He made due. We can make due. I think we should cancel our subscription to Vogue. I’m just saying.

Basically, what I’m telling you is this: times are tough baby. Times are tough and tight like they were when we were out of college and just getting by and that doesn’t mean that we can’t have fun, it just might mean that we might consider cancelling a few subscriptions (maybe to Vogue, who knows?) or maybe staying in next Saturday instead of driving to your parent’s house, to save gas. To save money. To buy more plums. Or mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Lastly, this is just to tell you I ate that Cinnabon roll you tried to hide in the cabinet. Forgive me, it was delicious. So sweet and so doughy.

This is just to say I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Love,
XXXXX

Is this the most depressing (or recessing?) story to come out about the downturn or what? We’ve all heard sad tales about lost jobs and lost homes, but Don Peck’s feature for The Atlantic is about a lost generation.

Citing a litany of statistics, studies and observations –mostly about past generations — Peck argues that this stretch of deep unemployment will shape the character of today’s young adults for the worse. They’re likely to earn less and drink more. They’ll have unstable families, which will lead to unstable communities.  ”Many of today’s young adults seem tempermentally unprepared for the circumstances in which they now find themselves,” he notes. Today’s environment requires “perseverance, adaptability, humility, and entrepreneurialism,” qualities that the Millennials seem to lack.

To which I say: Eh, maybe.

I’ve done my fair share of complaining about bratty Gen-Yers. But is it too Pollyannaish to think that maybe their characters will be shaped by the better by adversity? That they will un-learn entitledness out of necessity? And that maybe their confidence and pursuit of dream careers — seen by some as frivolous — will make them enterprising rather than lazy?

You know, they might surprise us all.

After emptying our wallets to see Avatar we got to thinking that there must be a cheaper way to see movies. Sure, going to movies early in the day and avoiding the concession stand will save you money. We know that. But, there are other tricks to seeing movies–even on opening night–on the cheap.

Buy Many At A Time.
Regal Entertainment Group offers Super Saver tickets for as low as $6.50 each. These tickets carry some restrictions, but you can get a ticket valid for all movies and show times, for just a dollar more per ticket. We recommend going in with friends: If you and four friends bought a pack of 50 tickets together, you could each see ten movies at about 40% off. If you don’t want to buy quite as many at a time, there are options for you, too.

Harness Social Media For Movie Rewards.
Fandango offers chances to win free movie tickets to its followers on Twitter. Those who participate in Movie Review Monday – in which Fandango followers tweet movie reviews with rhymes in them – are in the running for two free tickets.

Go For Dinner And A Movie.
For every order of $50 in movie tickets (at $8 per ticket), this deal will grant you a $25 Restaurant.com gift certificate, too. Similarly, the Entertainment Book costs $21 to $30 and provides you with hundreds of coupons for restaurants and events–plus dozens of coupons to popular movie theaters. With an Entertainment Book voucher, each movie costs as little as $5 to $6. A showing of The Lovely Bones at AMC Loews in Chicago costs $11 regularly; if you used an Entertainment Book voucher, you’d save nearly 50%.

Take Advantage Of The Perks.
AMC has a MovieWatcher program in which you earn two points for every ticket you buy. Thirty points makes you eligible for a free ticket. Meanwhile, Regal’s Crown Club provides one credit for every $1 spent on admission. Fifty credits will get you…

Read the rest of this story at LearnVest: Save Money at the Movie Theater by Doing THIS.

The American Dream is dead– and it ain’t a bad thing.

In a recent survey by Context-Based Research Group, a Baltimore consumer anthropology firm, 78 percent of respondents said they believed the AD was kaput. But they also agreed that it should be, because the dream has become defined by what you can buy, rather than by freedom and ideals.

If there’s one thing we learned in the past few years, it’s that lots of things are more important than money. So here’s some more good news: Those surveyed said they had taken steps to spend less (85 percent) and had de-cluttered their homes (61 percent). Well, now that all that stuff is gone, what’s taken its place? People. A startling 83 percent said they were going to spend more time with family and friends over the holidays than they had before.

“In out studies, we found people reaching this epiphany and then going through a ‘coming of age’ process that’s leading to new attitudes and new ways of interacting with the world,” said CBRG founder Robbie Blinkoff.

Go figure–when you spend less time buying stuff at Wal-Mart, and then buying stuff to organize your stuff at the Container Store, you have more room to love.

Readers might remember our interview with Robbie in December, when he told us the forthcoming holiday would be the Best Ever because of the shift that the recession had caused in our values. We’d revel in togetherness rather than in spending.

Btw, he predicted that this Valentine’s Day would be the most meaningful, too. Get psyched.