The Hard Truth about Fat-Cat CEO’s

Sometimes Recessionwire carries a certain bias, one that supports the out-of-worker and opposes the big, bad CEO. As a fair and balanced news source, we find it necessary to provide the reader a glimpse of both sides of the coin. What really goes on in the life of some of the world’s most powerful people? To find out, we get the perspective of the CEO of DASSCC (Dynamic Analysts and Synergetic Systems Consultants Corporation), Peter B. Gibbonsworth, in a segment we like to call: Myth…And Busted…

Recession Lessons from the Jersey Shore

Toss out your econ books and get your nose out of the financial section, because the best real-world lessons for surviving a recession aren’t in any textbooks or newspapers. They’re staring you down on Jersey Shore—the MTV reality series about eight 20-somethings struggling to find their true selves while living in a world awash in recession.

Okay, so the actual focus of Jersey Shore might not entirely be on educating people about the recession, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t lessons to be learned from watching it. After the jump, five recession lessons we’ve picked up from watching Jersey Shore.

Start performing at work or you will be replaced. Slacker employees may have had more leeway in the past, but employers have the advantage in a recession where the unemployment rate is hovering at 10.4 percent. Take it from Angelina, who got fired from her gig at a T-shirt shop for failing to show up and was subsequently booted from the show…

5 Reasons to Love Your Dog in a Downturn

True friends are there for you through both good times and bad, and when the chips are down, you find out that dog is indeed man’s best friend.

In a recent study of 400 Americans, a majority stated that their pets’ emotional support and non-judgmental attitude are key to helping them survive challenging times. Whether it’s financial struggles, job loss, or general anxiety, your dog’s got your back:

Provides structure: In an uncertain economy, the steady presence of your dog is invaluable. You may not have a job to be at every morning, but your dog still has to be walked and won’t let you wallow the day away in bed. Your best friend brings out the best in you. Not only will you get some exercise and possible human interaction, but you’ll be more likely to stay on track with your job search efforts…

So Cynicism is Dead

Aloofness is out, warmth is in. Flaming is out, gushing is in.

A story in this week’s New York Observer proclaims that we’re faceing the New Nice, even — perhaps especially — in nasty old New York. Entered into evidence: Tina Fey on the cover of Vogue, the Academy Awards including more best picture nominees, Lady Gaga expressing gratitude to her fans.

That’s this attitude shift due to? In part, the recession…

36 Hours in Philadelphia: Recession Edition

Every so often, the New York Times publishes a travel feature called “36 Hours in —-,” featuring a weekend-long itinerary for a specific city. We think they may have missed a few things in the recession – a look at Philadelphia, for one.

When Ben Franklin first arrived in Philadelphia, he only carried a spare change of clothes and a loaf of bread under each arm. If being poor in Philly is good enough for America’s Founding Father, it’s good enough for you. It would be so much fun to see Independence Hall, or the Philadelphia Museum of Art, an Eagles game or even a skyscraper, but we’re going to be responsible about our vacation and stick to West Philadelphia, home of row houses, the Market-Frankford Line and some of the most dangerous street corners this side of midnight…

Cashmere Toilet Paper, and Other Ways to Ignore the Recession

If obsessing about unemployment figures, market drops, and inflation rates hasn’t helped improve your financial situation over the past year, it might be time to try something else. Like, say, ignoring the recession entirely and pretending it doesn’t exist.

It’s not hard to do. With the swipe of a credit card and the purchase of a $2,500 Swarovski-embellished handbag, you can be right back where you were before the recession began—deep in debt and surrounded by shiny luxury goods.

After the jump, a round-up of our favorite ridiculous items and goods that might help take your mind off of the country’s financial crisis, at least until your next credit card statement arrives in the mail….

Back in the (Private Jet) Saddle, Again

“Everybody agrees that the recession is over,” said Larry Summers, the President’s top economic adviser, in December. Whew. Glad that’s behind us. Now we can get back to our fifth homes, start trading again on mortgage-backed securities (boy, those days were good!), and stop feigning embarrassment over paying retail. What’s more—it’s okay to fly private-jet again!

According to aviation research firm Argus, private aircraft travel was up 5.3% in January over the same time last year. Woo hoo!

So here are some friendlier skies we’d like to see spring back up soon, so that everything is back to normal…

How I Imagine My Hypothetical Average Workday, by Decade(s)

My parents always say things like “back in my day…the world was a better place” or “back in my day…we didn’t need e-mail to have a good time.” Here’s how I see it:

The Fifties
I get out of bed and put my slippers on. Everything is in grayscale. My wife has prepared a beautiful smorgasbord of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and cereal flakes. My blond son, Timmy, and my blonde daughter, Diane, both tell me how they are so proud of their father. I smile and one of my front teeth literally sparkles. We all giggle. The golden retriever giggles too. I tell Timmy he had better eat his cereal flakes if he wants to get big and mighty like Hank Aaron. We all pray to family values and thank God we don’t live in Russia.

When I get into work, my secretary compliments me on my clean and neat haircut. She gives me many reports I won’t read. I drink three glasses of scotch, smoke a pack of cigarettes, have conversations that might seem racially insensitive with today’s standards and eventually end up at a meeting in which we are told the company is growing at an outstanding rate…

Love Letters from the Recession

We get a lot of mail at Recessionwire, but this one, clearly intended for another recipient, caught our eye. With Valentine’s Day upon us, we thought we’d share:

Dear XXXX-

I want to read you a love poem, one of my favorite poems; a poem by the late poet William Carlos Williams. The poem is called This is Just to Say (1934):

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast…

Will the Millennials Be the Worst Generation Ever?

Is this the most depressing (or recessing?) story to come out about the downturn or what? We’ve all heard sad tales about lost jobs and lost homes, but Don Peck’s feature for The Atlantic is about a lost generation.

Citing a litany of statistics, studies and observations –mostly about past generations — Peck argues that this stretch of deep unemployment will shape the character of today’s young adults for the worse. They’re likely to earn less and drink more…