The Hard Truth about Fat-Cat CEO’s

Sometimes Recessionwire carries a certain bias, one that supports the out-of-worker and opposes the big, bad CEO. As a fair and balanced news source, we find it necessary to provide the reader a glimpse of both sides of the coin. What really goes on in the life of some of the world’s most powerful people? To find out, we get the perspective of the CEO of DASSCC (Dynamic Analysts and Synergetic Systems Consultants Corporation), Peter B. Gibbonsworth, in a segment we like to call: Myth…And Busted…

Making Lists in the Downturn

They say successful people make lists. What do you want out of life and how are you going to get it? What are your top qualities? Who are you valuable to and why? Yada yada. What happens when lists aren’t all about doing things right? We look at six lists and find out…

36 Hours in Philadelphia: Recession Edition

Every so often, the New York Times publishes a travel feature called “36 Hours in —-,” featuring a weekend-long itinerary for a specific city. We think they may have missed a few things in the recession – a look at Philadelphia, for one.

When Ben Franklin first arrived in Philadelphia, he only carried a spare change of clothes and a loaf of bread under each arm. If being poor in Philly is good enough for America’s Founding Father, it’s good enough for you. It would be so much fun to see Independence Hall, or the Philadelphia Museum of Art, an Eagles game or even a skyscraper, but we’re going to be responsible about our vacation and stick to West Philadelphia, home of row houses, the Market-Frankford Line and some of the most dangerous street corners this side of midnight…

How I Imagine My Hypothetical Average Workday, by Decade(s)

My parents always say things like “back in my day…the world was a better place” or “back in my day…we didn’t need e-mail to have a good time.” Here’s how I see it:

The Fifties
I get out of bed and put my slippers on. Everything is in grayscale. My wife has prepared a beautiful smorgasbord of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and cereal flakes. My blond son, Timmy, and my blonde daughter, Diane, both tell me how they are so proud of their father. I smile and one of my front teeth literally sparkles. We all giggle. The golden retriever giggles too. I tell Timmy he had better eat his cereal flakes if he wants to get big and mighty like Hank Aaron. We all pray to family values and thank God we don’t live in Russia.

When I get into work, my secretary compliments me on my clean and neat haircut. She gives me many reports I won’t read. I drink three glasses of scotch, smoke a pack of cigarettes, have conversations that might seem racially insensitive with today’s standards and eventually end up at a meeting in which we are told the company is growing at an outstanding rate…

Love Letters from the Recession

We get a lot of mail at Recessionwire, but this one, clearly intended for another recipient, caught our eye. With Valentine’s Day upon us, we thought we’d share:

Dear XXXX-

I want to read you a love poem, one of my favorite poems; a poem by the late poet William Carlos Williams. The poem is called This is Just to Say (1934):

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast…

Why Daddy Has Time to Eat Fruity Pebbles Till Noon

As a kid, I always hated it when my parents spelled out words they didn’t want me to hear. Back then it was b-e-d-t-i-m-e, or g-r-u-m-p-y. Now it’s words you won’t even need to spell. B-e-r-n-a-n-k-e. C-r-i-p-p-l-i-n-g U-n-e-m-p-l-o-y-m-e-n-t.

Why bring little Timmy or Madeline out of their world of ice cream and action figures and into your world of calling that guy you played club soccer with in college to see if his management consulting firm has any entry-level positions to fill? How to explain, or not explain, the recession to your children:…

The Starbucks Guide to Job Status

Roman bath houses, or thermae, were massive public spheres (the Baths of Diocletian covered almost one and a half million square feet) that served as public gathering spots for every cross-section of society. Today, we have Starbucks.

CFO’s, soccer moms, drifters, aspiring musicians and more aspiring musicians all wait on line together. And then there’s you, a worker type. You could be unemployed, passing yourself off as a 9-to-5er. Or, you’re collecting a fancy salary but you’d like to pretend you’re one of the unwashed—you know, for kicks. You know which one you are, but can your co-caffeinators tell? It’s all right there in your order.

Espresso, Cream, No Sugar, to go-

You are gainfully employed. Usually you would be at work now, but you had to take a trip to the bank to deposit all of those paychecks and were in the area (of course you were). Plus, some extra caffeine will give that extra boost you need to pump out the Ralston account and serve as a responsible and contributing member of the work force. Drink up, you deserved it!

Starbucks Doubleshot on Ice, with an extra Espresso shot, to go-

You are painfully employed. No one should need that much caffeine. Yes, I’ve heard Voltaire drank between 20 and 30 cups a day, but you are not in the process of writing Dictionnaire Philosophique…