The Unemployed Life

Eight (of the 1 million) Reasons Not to Go to Law School in a Recession

Just when you’ve gotten used to spending your days curled up in a pink Snuggie watching game shows, UPS knocks at your door to deliver your future.

It comes from the law school you’ve been deferring for two years in hopes that you’ll find a scholarship, strike oil, or win big on Deal or No Deal. Inside is a leather bound notebook and a brochure showing how much fun you’d be having at said high-priced law school. There are pictures of attractive (but not too attractive) twenty-somethings playing soccer on the lawn and holding Tarts for Torts bake sales.

You almost buy it. Then you remember that the only thing worse than being broke and unemployed is being a broke, unemployed and $200,000 in debt.

Here are eight reasons it’s unwise to hide out in law school during the recession.

1. Paying $150,000 to defer unemployment will not get you a job

Since it’s nearly impossible to take economics courses without destroying your GPA, law students tend to bypass courses that help them understand the obvious: the supply of lawyers is greater than demand. Hence, you may not find a job after law school.

2. Everyone’s doing it!

Remember what Dad said: if everyone’s doing it, it must be wrong. He was referring to less expensive thrills. Look around. Are all your friends cramming for 2L midterms? See No. 1. Time to take the road less traveled.

3. No one will like you

You’ll try to reason otherwise, but your superior ability for rational thinking will not change the alleged theory that no one really likes you or your new vocabulary.

4.  No one will date you

Point: Law school will make you infinitely more attractive to the opposite sex.

Counterpoint: Girls, remember what Miranda taught us: after Harvard, it’s either Steve or pretending you’re a flight attendant.  Boys, wake up. You’re not working for Goldman and some models can do math.

Conclusion: Lawyers date other lawyers, so be prepared for romantic dinners discussing the loopholes in the fair use doctrine.

5. It’s cheaper to buy the dream car

If you’re going to law school to ensure a life filled with yachts and cars, save yourself the misery (and $100,000) and buy the car now.  You’re in the wrong field for yachts anyway.

6. You’ll never hear the end of lawyer jokes

What’s the difference between a lawyer and God?  God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer!  Ha! You’ll hear that one at least twice a week.

7. You’ll have a lot of love-hate relationships

Your friends will resent you—but will still call at 4 a.m. on a Sunday morning asking if they should have taken the breathalyzer or whether it’s possible to claim child support on a poodle.

8. Law school won’t make you happy

When you were a little kid, did you really dream of doing contract work all day? If it’s all money and no heart, life after law school will be more miserable than life during it.

Disclaimer: There are some people who belong in law school. They include: a few decent people who want to be lawyers, people who generally hate other people, and those who take great offense to 3 and 4. In fact, if you take offense to any of this you should probably enroll in law school. Also note that the author is weak-minded and may one day attend law school anyway.

KT Boyle is a graduate of Georgetown University. Follow her life on the recession runway at TheGreatReDression.com.

Tags: education, humor, law, The Unemployed Life