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The Hard Truth about Fat-Cat CEO’s

Sometimes Recessionwire carries a certain bias, one that supports the out-of-worker and opposes the big, bad CEO. As a fair and balanced news source, we find it necessary to provide the reader a glimpse of both sides of the coin. What really goes on in the life of some of the world’s most powerful people?  To find out, we get the perspective of the CEO of DASSCC (Dynamic Analysts and Synergetic Systems Consultants Corporation), Peter B. Gibbonsworth, in a segment we like to call: Myth…And Busted.

Myth I: All CEOs are chubby male WASPs.

…And Busted: This old rumor! I certainly understand where it comes from, but I do believe I serve as a fine counterexample. Yes I am a male. Yes I do pack on a few extra Krispy Kremes (shout out to CEO James Morgan!). And yes I am white and I happen to attend a Protestant church. But, as anyone can tell you, the Gibbonsworths are a quarter Dutch. I kid you not. Mom’s mom. The Janssens. Also I’m pretty sure the CEO of Nabisco, or Cisco, or some corporation is a woman. I think, might want to check that out though. Busted!

Myth II: We live unnecessarily opulent, luxurious lives.

…And Busted: Again, I can appreciate how this nasty gossip started. There’s been talk about CEOs having fleets of private jets, multiple villas on the Mediterranean, private chefs that only prepare the finest of foods and Swiss bank accounts. But again, my confused readers, I prove this myth wrong myself. This “greedy” CEO only has one private jet, and I share it with John Travolta. I only have one villa and it’s in Croatia, not even really a Mediterranean country. I’ve been known to eat inorganic food from time to time and even served Trader Joe hors d’oeuvres at my Huckabee fundraiser. And, really, tell me that you don’t have a Swiss bank account. Really? You don’t? Hm. Well, anyway. Busted!

Myth III: We didn’t put in the effort to get where we are.

…And Busted: Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize proving yourself over three brothers to take over Dad’s position was a shrimp cocktail on the yacht! You try convincing dad that Franklin’s too liberal-minded, Kevin’s an alcoholic and Paul’s too ugly to be the face of any company. Try it, yeah, and then get back to me. Busted!

Myth IV: We don’t know what actually goes on inside of the company.

…And Busted: Easy. I’ll tell ya right now. Here at Dynamic Analysts Corp. Consultants…what? Right, as I said, Dynamic Analysts and Synergetic Systems Consultants Corporation, each and every day we strive to provide our clients with the most…dynamic and systematical consultation systems to help analyze synergies. We’re a corporation. Busted!

Myth V: The amount of money I make is drastically disproportionate to how hard I work.

…And Busted: Okay, this one is a bit tricky to bust…and I think I’m sort of out of space, so I’ll get back to you. Busted!

Tags: business, CEOs, fat cats, humor, satire