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Love in the Time of Layoff: The Appeal of Employment

Raj had me almost at hello, but he didn’t seem to realize it. As so often happens, the same was true in the reverse, as well—but we two somewhat wary people didn’t realize it on our first meeting. We had sat in the park after a friend suggested we meet (we could “be good contacts for one another”) and shared stories from our lives. We parted with no further plans.

As weeks passed, I wondered if there was a way to meet up with Raj again. I planned to invite him to a party I would throw. And then, out of nowhere, an email: “Call me urgently.” Two minutes later, we were on the phone. He was charming and funny—and he had a proposal, a potentially very lucrative project that would come from one of  his clients. My thrill at hearing from Raj was a bit deflated by the absence of romance in it, but I was also very happy and relieved to have work fall into my lap, as I needed it very badly.

It’s always tricky to mix up work and romance, but in this downturn, I couldn’t ignore the very real tug of the rent, loans, bills piling up. So if I couldn’t have Raj as my boyfriend, at least there was something else I might get out of this encounter: some much needed peace of mind.

The next few weeks were strange: I loved being in regular touch with Raj, but it was frustrating, too. I had to hold back my hopes of being asked on a date, hold back flirting—and just present my best, razor-sharp, capable, professional self. Still appealing (I hoped) but not exactly the most feminine side I’d put forth with a potential partner. (I realize there are some who would try to combine professonalist with beguiling,  but that’s not my way). All the while, I was actually getting to know Raj better: Learning about his kids; being kept up to date on his travels for work and pleasure—some of the basic chitchat between colleagues. But it was driving me crazy that he wasn’t asking me out.

Things were progressing well with the client. Raj was presenting my ideas and sending back positive feedback. I went in for a productive one-on-one with the client. I started doing a bunch of math: how much they would pay me; how much I’d spend. I was gaining a sense of relief about the work, glad to have met Raj, and was moving on from my crush, figuring it was pointless. And then, in the next catch-up with Raj, these words through the phone:

“You’re adorable. Your voice is adorable. You have to meet my kids. They would love you.”

Next thing I knew, Raj was aggressively pursuing me. I was ecstatic. I did more math: How many months until he asked me to marry him; how many kids we would have; how many homes, vacations, cars…

On our first date, he picked me up and we walked along the river, stopping to sit and chat. We took an impromptu kayak ride and took pictures. On the second date, he made a tandoori dish he had gone to the effort of preparing and marinating the night before. He was smart, interesting and we shared a similar, thrilling curiosity about ideas. I found him warm and sweet and looked forward to seeing him again. Life was good: a cute and sexy man and some money rolling in the door.

And then WHOMP! The work fell through. Just like that, so easily. The client was no longer interested and the thousands of dollars I was counting on vanished.

I was crushed to lose the work. I had found the project interesting, but the prospect of some debt relief had provided such stress relief and buoyed my spirits and made me feel empowered and secure. I couldn’t help tracing these feelings to Raj, but now the negative feelings were connected to him, too. My heart was broken – not by a man, but by a job – and now the man had to go, too.

Tags: dating, freelancing, Love in the Time of Layoff, men, relationships, women