The Unemployed Life

20 Ways to Come Through When Someone You Love (or Even Just Like) Loses a Job

Nice as it is to hear about indications that the economy is turning around, the layoffs aren’t over yet. You’ve probably just heard that yet another colleague, friend, neighbor, congregant, teammate got the ax—or you will soon. If you’ve been there, you know how isolating and demoralizing it can be, even now that joblessness is more norm than humiliation, more zeitgeist than badge of shame. (And if you haven’t been there, you’d best watch your karma. Carefully.)

How well you’re acquainted with said laid-off person (and under what circumstances) will inform how you proceed, of course. (Read 6 Things You Shouldn’t Say to the Newly Laid-off.) But some things never change—like the power of a reachout, a simple favor, and a sympathetic ear.

1.    Be there. Call. Write. Do not be MIA, do not put off getting in touch, do not submit to the ewww factor, however tempting it may be.
2.    Ask what happened—in a way that doesn’t sound like you have a case of schadenfreude. Most people want to share the gory details, and they may need to find their narrative of What Just Happened.
3.    Listen.
4.    Be present. Stay sensitive to touchy-subject vibes, obviously, but for now it’s probably better to err on the side of active (though not necessarily moist) concern.
5.    Be concrete. Offer tangibles. Email job tips, websites, pertinent articles.
6.    Value their strengths. Whatever the scenario or narrative, however cushy the severance package, they’ve just been dumped and probably feel discarded. They’ve suffered not only a change of status but also a change in status. So point out what they instinctively do well, the stuff they may take completely for granted. They may not think their ability to grow roses—or giving wardrobe advice or reviewing your letter to a lawyer—is anything special, but it can have great value to others, and even, yes, bring in some money. (It’s how new businesses start.) 
7.    Ask them for help. Really. Maybe it’s just for advice about your in-law or next car or vacation or menu. Or maybe it’s actually more tangible. Like having them show you how to arrange those flowers, make that killer salad dressing or fix that leak. Or even volunteer. Help them feel talented.
8.    Match-make. Arrange a professional fix-up if you think there’s a remote chance they can be helpful to each other. Ask for a copy of your friend’s resume for this purpose.
9.    Make a date for lunch. Pay for it.
10.    Mark that lunch down on your calendar—and whatever you do, do not forget it.
11.    If you must reschedule, do it as early as possible. And for God’s sake do not—ever—wait until your laid-off friend calls or pings to confirm. You may be squeezing it in, but it may be what’s getting your chum out of the house that day.
12.    Encourage the pursuit of a hobby, a memoir, a personal project they’ve not had time for.
13.    Invite and include. Now’s when your LOF can actually play that game of tennis, take that walk, go give blood, attend the Little League game, volunteer at school, join the book group. Be alert for dropped hints, but don’t necessarily wait for them.
14.    Be generous.  Here’s where how—and just how well—you know them comes in. My BFF sent me home the other day from our weekly hike with some barely used towels she had no room for that worked perfectly in my bathroom. It wasn’t until I hung them up that I realized it was her way of helping unemployed me replace the old ones I would never have sprung for in my current laid-off economic lockdown. Sweet. (But she’s a really good friend.)
15.    Offer to help—and no, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do” doesn’t cut it.  Be specific: “I’d be happy to take a look at your resume once you update it.” Or, if you’ve worked together: “Need a recommendation on LinkedIn?” or “Let’s talk about how to mine and recast different aspects of your experience to come up with alternatives to what’s on your resume.”
16.    If you’re any good at paperwork or fine print, help them navigate unemployment insurance or COBRA.
17.    Suggest ways to explore financial aid. Unions, schools, churches, and other groups have resources (stretched to be sure, but there nonetheless) your pal may have never considered.
18.    Be positive and upbeat but not disgustingly cheerful.
19.    Check in. At least once a month.
20.    Hire them.

After 15 years on staff at magazines and internet companies, Kate Zentall has resumed freelance writing and editing since being laid off from MyLife.com. She knows firsthand what it’s like, how it feels, and what she’ll never, ever do when someone she knows loses a job.

Tags: relationships, The Unemployed Life