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Love in the Time of Layoff: Money, Money, Money Talk

Carol M. knew she had a good thing in her boyfrirend, Eric. But earlier this year, when she lost her job as a schoolteacherand faced default on her subprime loan, it showed her just how caring and committed he was.

“We recently talked about being in a relationship, and one of the benefits of being in a relationship is you have someone on your side no matter what,” she says. “We sit down and we talk about things. Last week we talked about having to file for bankruptcy.”

Talking about money with a significant other can be a painful, awkward situation—especially when you’re in a dating phase. You’d think it would be easier in good times, but some are saying that the downturn has made it easier to both talk about finances and to learn about a significant other’s situation. Money is top of mind for many of us and a common topic of conversation. If someone is furloughed, laid off or had a salary slashed, their relationship to money becomes more apparent.

“An environment like this will amplify whether or not your partner has a good grasp of personal cash flow and balance sheet information as well as how to create a budget and find efficiencies,” says my friend Steve (not his real name), who is moving forward in a serious relationship. “When is it a good time to borrow short-term cash or pay off debt?  Are available tools (like Mint.com) being used to help evaluate past spending and find waste or inefficiencies?” At this point, I start thinking he’s not talking about a relationship anymore—but he is.

Like it or not, money is a necessary evil—in relationships as in life. It’s worth bringing it up early and often, to avoid hurt feelings or costly misunderstandings. Need some help with that? Several folks have offered up strategies for slogging through toward a bliss-filled end:

8 Tips for Talking about Money with Your Significant Other
Most importantly, pay attention to how your significant other views money, because that will help you learn how to best communicate what you’re thinking and feeling.

Tips for Talking about Money with Your Spouse
Learning to talk appropriately about money can reduce stress in your marriage.

Money Management Tips for Couples
If your money tete-a-tetes typically result in one of you sleeping on the couch, rest easy. We created this guide to help you and your beloved have more fruitful financial conversations.

Ten Tips for Talking about Money
Quite often couples have different ideas about money and they never discussed them prior to marriage, as a result, they enter a marriage and later find out their differences of opinion on the subject. Why not discuss the finances prior to marriage?

Talking about Money with Your Partner
Dr.  Pepper Schwartz, chief relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com, believes that financial compatibility should be explored in the early stages of a new relationship, she suggests that it’s never too late to promote financial harmony within an existing relationship.

Are Your Financially Compatible?
Chances are, you explored your feelings about children, debated the benefits of the suburbs versus the city, and figured out whether your sleeping habits jive with his. But did you ask if he has a 401K or a big portfolio?

Tags: Love in the Time of Layoff, relationships, Spending and Saving