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Love in the Time of Layoff: Can You Afford the Stork?
“The economy’s so bad we had to lay off one of our kids,” comedian Jonathan Katz recently joked.
Pretty funny. And absurd. But what about laying off the stork? Now there’s an idea…
During the Depression, the birth rate plummeted and there are several indicators —a recent uptick in vasectomies, a spike in condom sales, and buzz about pregnancy postponement on mommy blogs, health, and news sites – that this recession’s also affecting family planning.
The reality is kids cost a lot. We’re talking six figures. The Department of Agriculture estimates that families making $46,000 to $77,000 annually will spend more than $200,000 on children through high school. And that’s bare-bones—it doesn’t include college tuition. The Wall Street Journal estimates families earning $118,000 a year will spend $800,000 (on the low end!) through age 17. Of course, some prospective parents also need to factor in the up-front costs of adoption or in vitro fertilization. Madonna may be snatching up babies in Malawi, but she’s the Material Girl. What about the rest of us?
So how do you actually assess whether you can afford a baby or not? Can you really reduce a child to a financial calculation? They’re questions my new husband, Jay, and I have thought a lot about. We got hitched in October, after co-habiting for six years, in large part because we’d been talking about starting a family. But when the economy collapsed, what seemed like a no-brainer suddenly looks more like a tricky computation.
My pragmatic mind first focused on two types of variables: cold, hard facts (employment status, mortgage/debt situation, health) and predictions (squishier things like job security).
We’re fortunate that the facts of our particular situation are neither particularly cold nor excessively hard. I still have my PR job and I’ve been snagging a few writing gigs on the side. Jay’s a New York City firefighter. But with businesses slashing marketing/PR budgets, newspapers and magazines closing at lightening speed, and Bloomberg threatening layoffs of uniformed city employees, you never know.
I’m a list maker, so, naturally, I broke out the ruled paper to map out our pros and cons.
Pros:
- We want to become parents. Our relationship is solid and time-tested, and we agree we’re ready.
- We’re both currently employed. Hallelujah.
- I’m 34, Jay’s 35, and we’re not getting any younger.
Cons:
- Neither of our jobs is recession-proof.
- As noted, babies are expensive. According to The National Association of Child Care Resources families spend between $4,000 and $13,500 on infant childcare alone. You can bet our part of the country’s at the top of the scale.
- We live in a one-bedroom apartment and can’t afford a bigger place in the neighborhood. (We have to stay in N.Y. as long as Jay’s a firefighter – FDNY rules.)
- We have some indulgent habits—eating out too often, going on dreamy vacations—we will have to curb if we want to feed, clothe and educate another human being.
Objectively I’d say it’s probably a tie, but I’m also finding it’s impossible to be objective. Even for the most practical and responsible among us, the decision to start (or grow) a family shouldn’t hinge on dollars and cents. Other issues—the biological imperative, spiritual/religious beliefs—come into play.
Tracey Cassidy, a 33-year-old colleague of mine who’s due next month (she conceived right before the recession hit full force) says the economy is impacting how she and her husband are preparing for the baby. “With our first child we went above and beyond—expensive bedding, $3,000 birthdays. This time it will be bed-in-a-bag, a birthday barbeque and hand-me-downs. Also, I’ll breastfeed, which will save $20 to $40 a week on formula.” But when I asked if they would have put their family plans on hold had they foreseen the downturn, she said no without hesitating.
Given the macroeconomic climate, the early behavioral indicators, and demographer’s predictions, we will probably see a drop in the nation’s birth rate. Despite all the impediments and anxieties, however—and in our case they’re luckily relatively minor—there will still be babies.
As I thought about this subject I realized that my dad was conceived during the Great Depression. Though times were undoubtedly tough, things seem to have worked out just fine. Maybe history will repeat itself.
Victoria Grantham is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in The New York Times, The New York Post, The New York Daily News and Downtown Express. She lives in Manhattan .
Are you postponing a pregnancy because of the economy or going ahead in spite of it? Tell us below.
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6 comments for “Love in the Time of Layoff: Can You Afford the Stork?”
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This was really painful to read–and made me wish I had just gotten pregnant when I was in my early 20s and didn’t bother thinking things through. But now, I’m staring down 35 and wanting to create the best, most stable environment for a child, and I’m paralyzed by the overall economy my own layoff, a house that is falling apart, etc. I know–as gazillions of people have done in the past–make it work somehow, but making a conscious decision to start a family right now is petrifying.
I think you captured the fears of many women (and men) extremely well.
Right, wrong or indifferent, not only are we not postponing a baby, we are spending tons to try to acheive a family as I type — tried fertility treatments several times over the past 3 years and are now considering adoption which seems to cost about $25K — with only a small portion reimbursable by our employers (assuming we each still have one in the future). We also just barely make too much to qualify for the federal tax credits. Oh well. You can’t put a price tag on love and family, right? If we have to go further in debt and cut back on other discretionary items, it is ALL worth it in the end!
Silly article from beginning to end. Of course kids cost money. You either want to be parents or you don’t. Timing another life to the ups and downs of the stock market or the unemployment rate is absurd. That child will live through multiple expansions and recessions.
I made the decision to remain childless after the 80s aerospace crash (I’ll change for a greencard hottie who can PAY).
Most kids are UNPLANNED anyway, so the recession is forcing people to think and act more responsibly (what a concept). Abortions and abuse are way up. The Great Recession kids will be mean people-nothing like their narcissistic, spoiled parents.
The state has always been the main beneficiary of citizens who impoverish themselves to raise kids. More taxpayers, consumers, cannon fodder for stupid wars, and workers to depress wages.
Here’s one of my summer reading list picks: Financialization of Daily Life (Martin)- check the link.
Is it really wise to postpone children based on the economy? A few questions: How long do you expect the recession to last? How much do kids really cost (a question of needs vs. wants)? If you wait, will you be able to conceive later? And aren’t you ready for some lifestyle changes?
I don’t think this recession is anything like the great depression and already am feeling a little better about the economy. Volatility in the stock market is plummeting and major indices have rebounded. There is a line of cars to get into the Westchester shopping mall parking garage once again. And while home prices have fallen across the country, in the Westchester, NY and Greenwich, CT suburbs, they still are quite high – too high in fact for me to move closer than 30 min. from the school where I have my two kids. So, if you believe, as I do, that things really aren’t going to get worse and are already looking up, you won’t want to postpone children based on a feeling of uncertainty.
How much do kids really cost? Not all that much, though we do enjoy spending a lot on them, often enjoying their toys as much as they do. (Case in point, my father couldn’t help himself and opened my son’s birthday present – a LEGO Mindstorms robot – before giving it to him.) In my own family, we have been increasingly concerned about the effects of bringing up our kids in a culture of privilege. In this respect, the recession was a blessing. Without a hired cleaning lady to do all the housework, the kids now have chores and are learning about responsibility. And they actually have to save their meager allowance before indulging in the latest must-have toy. To me, this is simply a return to normalcy.
I’m now pregnant with my 3rd child – a recession baby. At first we joked that we needed more children to help out on the family farm – our back-up plan should our savings run out before our next windfall. My youngest child is now 6 and a few years ago we decided we were done having kids, so we passed all our baby accoutrements to friends. So I have been asking myself, what does this baby really need? A crib, a stroller and/or carrier, mom and her milk, and diapers (and potty train early, around 18 months, like people used to do!) And forget toys – kids always seem to like cardboard boxes, silk scarves (from your previous career) and other things from around the house better than expensive toys. Anyway, Baby Einstein and other “developmental” and interactive toys are beginning to gain the ire of developmental pediatricians who believe they contribute to ADHD. The recession can work for you too, either giving you extended time at home with baby, or widening your child-care options as more people are looking for work. And if you feel you really need that Bugaboo stroller, someone will be selling one cheap on Craigslist.
All that said, we have decided that our public schools don’t work for us and private school is a big financial commitment. A quick and dirty estimate is that we will spend $1 M to educate, feed, clothe, etc. each child before he/she leaves our nest. But this is a choice – not a necessity. As parents, we want to do what we can for our kids and if we can afford to give them the gift of the best educational experience for their specific needs, then we will. But maybe with baby #3 we will hold off on preschool for a few extra years to save some money.
As for the question of being able to conceive later, female fertility is at its peak around 18 years old. Yikes! Is it really all downhill from there? Risk factors for all sorts of developmental issues, diseases, etc. begin to rise and spike at 35 years – officially the start of “advanced maternal age.” Again, as parents we want to give our kids the best, so I would argue we can give them the invaluable gift of better health by having them younger. Sorry. I know that’s harsh.
Parents do make lifestyle changes, but in large part we do so willingly. I don’t go out to eat nearly as often as before kids, even in flush times. But I don’t miss it much. When I considered foods as my first child began to eat, I learned a lot about nutrition. Now I find a lot of restaurants just not worthwhile. It’s a rare farm-to-table experience that gets me excited about eating out and that becomes a special evening. Funny how doing things less frequently makes them more special and valued. The lifestyle change I didn’t anticipate was how much fun I would have taking my kids to the American Museum of Natural History and showing them the medieval armor at the Temple of Dendor at the Met. For a couple years we found traveling challenging, but now my son is really excited about ancient Egypt and is asking us to take him to see the pyramids! Maybe next year. For now there are plenty of books at the library to check out – for free!
Kids during the recession? Bring it on!
You can always cut costs. I blog about baby budgeting at http://www.babybudgeting.co.uk I have bought up nboth my kids as a full time mum on a v low income. It can be done!