Comments on: 6 Things You Shouldn’t Say to the Newly Laid-off

By: Getting Laid 4 Losers. | 7Wins.eu

Getting Laid 4 Losers. | 7Wins.eu — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 17:05:33 +0000

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By: Lora K.

Lora K. — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 03:24:55 +0000

I’m really enjoying the discussion about this piece! Thank you all for your readership and thoughtful responses.

@Diana + @Olivia — about what one could say to a loved one recently laid off…

The two major ones we included in the story above, just to recap, were:

1) “Neutral empathic statements like: ‘It really must be difficult to face this situation. I know how much you care about your work.’”

2) An offer to talk about it again later, if they want, after they’ve had some time to process it all!

The main thing I heard from all of the expert sources I had the privilege to interview was to let your loved one / friend / former colleague (whoever just got the bad news) know that you are here to listen to them today, and you will be available to them again later — to talk about their issues, or just hang out.

By: Violet

Violet — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 21:31:20 +0000

Recently upon chatting with a family member who asked how my job search has been going (which has been an unsuccessful search for nearing 6 months now) made a terribly harsh comment that blames me for not finding a job in this economy. Since I have been looking and applying steadily for nearly have a year now I’ve become kind of sensitive about my job search status. So another thing not to say is “the longer you don’t work the longer and least likely you will be hired”!

By: Olivia

Olivia — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 01:15:56 +0000

uh…well, what SHOULD you say. You’ve kinda offered every obvious response as bad.

By: jmack

jmack — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 23:35:48 +0000

Ditto, Laura and Target. I even said it to myself – I knew so many people and had the best contacts. That was over a year ago (non-profits were the first to feel the crunch). I went through severe depression but I now feel positive that the economy will turn around and I will come out okay. Right?

By: Target-Addict

Target-Addict — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:40:45 +0000

To echo Laura Y’s comments, I know at least a dozen VERY talented people who have been out of work for 4+ months (this is here in Calif. where our unemployment rate is above 10%). Don’t give up, Laura. It IS the economy, not a reflection on you or your skills.

By: Laura Y.

Laura Y. — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 12:10:06 +0000

I have one to add, that I heard from my well-meaning husband, parents, in-laws, friends, and even former co-workers: “Oh, you’re so talented, you won’t have any problem finding another job!” That was over 5 months ago, and now I feel like a talentless jerk who’s disappointed all of them by not finding work right away (even though realistically I know it’s mostly the economy).

By: Bob Lamm

Bob Lamm — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 03:06:21 +0000

This is a terrific piece which is relevant to how we should and shouldn’t approach anyone who has experienced any type of trauma or serious disappointment, not just losing a job.

Beneath many of these types of comments is an arrogance (the speaker immediately knows what the person who’s lost her/his job needs) and a desire to silence the other person’s pain, hurt, fear, anger, whatever.

By: Hdtex

Hdtex — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 01:18:53 +0000

Diana:

How about “You may not see it now, but you’re going to get through this”.

“I’ve been there myself and I know how hard this is…if you ever want to just talk…let me know”

“What are you doing Tuesday night? I’m making meatloaf and mashed potatoes and coming over to eat with you”.

“I have a friend ‘X’ in your field I could contact, they might not be hiring, but they could know of networking contacts”.

“If you need help with updating your resume, interviewing roleplay, strategizing, filing for welfare, foodstamps, Medicaid…..I’d be glad to help.”

“What are you doing for lunch tomorrow? I’ll meet you at X….my treat”

See Diana…it’s not so tough if you think about it.

By: Diana

Diana — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 23:45:28 +0000

So instead of not what to say… how about 6 things we could say to comfort them… any ideas?

By: Rob

Rob — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 20:55:26 +0000

This is a worthwhile topic, but I have to nit-pick some of the suggestions.

When I was laid off from my first job after college, my friend’s mother told me it would all be for the best. And though I’m certainly not the kind of person who believes things always turn out for that way, there was something comforting about it. And I have to admit, in retrospect, it DID turn out for the best (so far.)

I agree you have to be tactful, and some people need to grieve, but I think most want to take a day or two to get over the shock and hit the ground running. In which cases, most of the comments are appropriate.

And to not curse out the old employer … I think that’s pretty standard, and most people do appreciate.