“Housework is yucky no matter if you are a guy or gal. I just don’t like being less autonomous and being reminded of that I am not bringing home a paycheck. I don’t like the fact that I used to manage large trading positions and was a person of consequence at my old firm, but now I have fix the toilet, do dishes and take out recycling. As much as I don’t like these things I certainly didn’t expect my lady to pick up my slack.”

Thanks for your response, and for your shared wish for dialogue. I can totally appreciate this:

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It’s unmanning. But so, it seems to me, is complaining about housework. Real men iron, real men recycle trash. That said, in my way-too-casual characterization of you over at Girl w/Pen, I confess to being guilty of doing exactly what I rail against: drawing on lazy stereotypes. So seriously, let’s reach across the gender wars, get to know each other, and duke it out over that extra-shot cappucino? And I’ll be sure to tell Marco about The Club.

All best,
Deborah

This part is serious. I salute your call for empathy and respect. Nothing is more important in any relationship especially in stressful times. Moreover, I had hoped I made it clear in my last column that I am not particularly proud of my adolescent behavior. However, I think you may be making a very incorrect assumption; that I and other men assume that housework is women’s work. In your girl with pen note you write “it drives me nuts because the underlying presumption Joe (who is now at home) and many men seem to make is that all the yucky housework tasks are a woman’s purview”. That is certainly not the case. Housework is yucky no matter if you are a guy or gal. I just don’t like being less autonomous and being reminded of that I am not bringing home a paycheck. I don’t like the fact that I used to manage large trading positions and was a person of consequence at my old firm, but now I have fix the toilet, do dishes and take out recycling. As much as I don’t like these things I certainly didn’t expect my lady to pick up my slack.

So in your call for empathy and respect, I think it’s important make sure we are listening and seeing one another without preconceptions. That will be true dialog.

Thanks for your concern for the gecko and I’ll take a cappucino (with an extra shot).

Best,
Joe

PS. If Marco is free next week he can join us for the next He-Mans Unemployment Club meeting.