The Working World
Out on the Street: Gendernomics
Each week, “Joe the Trader” chronicles his experiences with life after Wall Street.
Okay, so I could have picked up the laundry, I could have dealt with the recycling piling up in the kitchen, I could have bought a tarp for the air conditioner so it doesn’t rust sitting outside on the porch. But I didn’t. That’s right: I chose not to do the three things my lady asked me to do. Time slipped away, I claimed, when she asked what the hell I’d done all day. Through repeated questioning, I maintained my innocence, highlighting all of the “important” networking calls I had made. But between us, dear reader, the truth is I was in my giraffe boxer shorts most of the day talking to my “important” contacts about my upcoming ski trip. And what did my lady do all day? You guessed it: She went to work.
In the current recession, depression, economic contraction—whatever you want to call this mess—80% of the jobs lost have been those held by men. More than 2 million men are newly out of work. Now women make up over 49% of the workforce and, given further expected layoffs in construction, manufacturing and, yes finance, women are poised to represent a majority of the nation’s workers for the first time ever. The only industry growing for men is Mr. Moms.
While I try to maintain a calm, cool and collected exterior by proclaiming that I can be patient and wait out the downturn, the truth is that I am financially stressed. I support three kids, two women (Not that they would ever admit it. If this is my last post you will know why.) and one gecko. My kids live in a big suburban house with their stay-at-home mom, financed by the child support and alimony I pay. My place in the city needs to be big enough for the kids when they visit and nice enough for me and my lady to enjoy the rest of the time. The gecko needs live crickets.
All that pressure is bad enough; to give me a list of household chores is another reminder of my tenuous role as the great male provider. In fact, the last time I got a daily list of chores was when I was living at home as a teenager. Treat me like a teenager, it’s a teenager you get. So I hope you can understand why I might not want to deal with the f@#%ing recycling.
I hope you can understand why I might not want to deal with the f@#%ing recycling.
Since I was only laid off in December, I am the newest member of the He-Man’s Unemployment Club. TJ has been unemployed for a year and half, Roberto for nine months and Hal for seven. For many Wall Street men, the pay had been good enough that they could be the sole breadwinner and let the missus stay home with the kids. I wanted to know from the other He-Men how their relationships were being impacted by unemployment, and how to manage my new taskmaster. We had all seen a news story about a stay-at-home Wall Street wife divorcing her unemployed husband because he couldn’t deliver coin anymore. The zinger was that she held up her end of the bargain, why couldn’t he? Ouch.
TJ was adamant that I had to nip any concept of being a man-servant in the bud. ASAP.
“You did the right thing,” he said. “You can’t give in or it’s all over. You’ll be doing the ironing next. Man-up and never surrender.”
Hal is more concerned that his wife has not gotten the new financial reality through her head and has asked her to itemize every expense.
“She doesn’t realize that all the Starbucks soy lattes, smoothies and artisanal cheese add up. She thinks it’s just the big things like vacations and dinners out that cost money. I bet she could cut out well over $150 a week if she really thought about it.”
Roberto, who has taken up space in a temporary office, has chosen a more passive aggressive approach.
“I can’t have that conversation anymore. I have started to bring a coffee thermos to my office now. I intentionally make a lot of noise making the coffee in the morning and make sure she sees me doing it. To really hammer the point in I took some leftovers for lunch the other day. I know that she has the kids look out the window and wave to me when I am outside my building. So I looked up, waved back and as soon as I turned the corner I found a garbage can to dump the leftovers. Pathetic—but it has been effective.”
After the club meeting ended, I resolved to speak with both my ex and my lady about finances (the gecko will be a harder conversation). To my great surprise, my ex has agreed to some temporary relief in child support and alimony payments. At home, my girlfriend has been more than understanding, and we have cut out spending on almost all non essential items. She packs her lunch most days and has traded Starbucks for breakfast at home. As for me, if I am asking the ladies to rein in the spending, well, I guess I can swallow my pride and pick up an iron.
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14 comments for “Out on the Street: Gendernomics”
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loved it.. how true how true
The article you linked to for the 80% statistic seems to blame the gender imbalance on career choice (women are teachers, men are stockbrokers, etc.). I wonder if it’s also partly due to the ongoing salary/wage imbalance that favors men? IOW, if a female manager makes 80% of what a male manager does, it makes more sense to keep the woman if you’re only cutting one of them, right?
“She doesn’t realize that all the Starbucks soy lattes, smoothies and artisanal cheese add up. She thinks it’s just the big things like vacations and dinners out that cost money. I bet she could cut out well over $150 a week if she really thought about it.”
Wow, that’s really funny, because that’s what I tell my HUSBAND all the time. So while we probably won’t take a vacation this year (too much $$, he claims) he’ll keep buying his Wolaver’s Organic Ale and Humboldt Fog Blue Cheese every week.
God help us that you should take responsibility – that would be beneath any man, right? Seems to me that your pride could do with some ironing of its own.
Laura Y,
You make a very good point about relative wages. While I think that may be an input in the cost cutting decisions of firms in the second round of the recession, to date I believe that the majority of cuts are coming in industries where men have held a disproportional share of the jobs. For instance, 21% of all payroll employees work in construction, finance and manufacturing. Yet of the 3.5mm jobs that have been lost nationwide over the past year, more than 2mm are in those three industries alone. But going forward the relative pay may become a factor for employers.
In the spirit of recessionwire, one upside of this downturn maybe that at long last there will be an equalization of pay for men and women.
Best,
Joe
Target-Addict,
I am glad that you live up to your frugal name. I for one would never deny anyone the simple pleasures of fine beer and cheese. But I have found that I can get by on Cabot cheddar (America’s first co-op) and Heineken mini-kegs and large format jugs of,say, Captain Lawrence ale. Perhaps your profligate “HUSBAND” will embrace the new financial reality.
Best,
Joe
Dear “me”,
Dear dear “me”. What can I say? You have shamed me (note: not you) and I am guilty as charged.
However, you will be happy to know that I have bought groceries, cooked a lovely recession friendly dinner, called the plumber (not Joe), done laundry but not ironing. Alas no luck with the job.
Best,
Joe
[...] on the Street,” chronicles life after layoff for Wall Street guys. In his latest, “Gendernomics”, Joe makes a number of great points (especially in comments!) but he also falls into the [...]
From my experience and perspective there is no such thing as gender division in the home since many women have been working since the husband can no longer solely support the family monetarily. It amazes me that all you talk about is monetary spending. How about your duties as a father? There should be more time to spend with you children. And by the way, many women not married to six-figure salaries have to work and have been working over centuries ago. Unfortunately, back then and now they don’t get paid for it. And if your girlfriend is supporting you butt, get off it.
You can complain about spending, but you allowed it and I have no sympathy for people, no matter how rich, who spend and don’t save.
asghf what?
Let me get this straight, your lady works full time and its only after a period of unemployment and resentment that you’ve begrudgingly started to pick up an iron? Holy lord, my Mom would have evicted you had she been your lady. When my Dad got laid off he went from doing his 50% share to doing everything. And he was a child of the 50s. Grow some balls and get to vacuuming. Being a man isn’t about doing the work you want to to prove your manhood, its about doing the work that needs to be done.
I’m unemployed myself and when my man gets home I have dinner waiting and laundry folded. My gender has nothing to do with it.
It’s hard for me to understand some of the vitriol aimed at Joe in these comments, and not just because I’m his editor. He never claims pride at neglecting household chores. This essay is about a change of roles that is uncomfortable–and not just for Joe. I don’t imagine his ex-wife, who was able NOT to work because of the income he brought in, is any more thrilled at this turn of events. We’re all freaked out, and I have great respect for anyone who is willing to tell his personal story with honesty and a sense of irony.
Impressive photo: Doing the dishes in a bespoke pinstriped suit, carefully tied necktie and white shirt? Your sleeves are not even rolled up. You sure are keeping up appearances.
Since you are now a house-husband, however, I assume that even though you are wearing that expensive business suit, your Italian shoes and silk socks are off your feet and that you are barefoot in the kitchen as the role requires?
[...] gender stereotypes (that DABA article from the New York Times from January and my dear co-blogger Joe the Trader’s piece at Recessionwire called “Gendernomics”). The students really got it, and I learned from the things they noticed as well. We talked [...]
\I don’t imagine his ex-wife, who was able NOT to work because of the income he brought in, is any more thrilled at this turn of events.\
Here’s why the vitriol: housework *is* WORK, I don’t know his ex-wife, but I doubt she was spending her time out of paid work sitting in her giraffe boxers talking on the phone about ski trips. Like Joe, I would be annoyed by being given a chore list, but it sounds to me like he was getting them because he wasn’t doing anything.
So, the expectation of the \lady\ is that she go out and work and then come home and do more work? I think why so many women are annoyed is b/c so few of us get the choice to simply not do *any* unpaid household labor.