The Unemployed Life

Out on the Street: F*@# You Money

Each week, “Joe the Trader” chronicles his experiences with life after Wall Street.

February 11th is our fourth He-Man’s Unemployment Club meeting. As usual, TJ, Roberto and Hal are present. They are still looking for finance jobs and aren’t getting any love either.  Lately, the sessions have become less focused on business and more on “news.” I’m not sure if this is because none of us have the slightest clue as to what the opportunities are or if the news just keeps getting more entertaining.

Today, for example, a driver unwittingly dragged a body behind his van for 19 miles through Brooklyn and Queens. The chief peanut of America, Stewart Parnell, refused to eat one under the grounds it might incriminate or kill him. Eight titans of Wall Street had to endure grandstanding from congressional representatives. But the real news to us He-Men was that New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo is investigating Merrill Lynch’s eleventh hour bonus payments to all of its employees. TJ in particular was keenly interested in the Cuomo story.

“I can’t believe that 700 people at Merrill Lynch got paid over a buck [$1 million in Wall Street parlance] and the company is bankrupt.”

I am amazed at some of the individual payouts. “How about the four guys that got paid a total of $120 million. Peter Krauss got $30 million and he was hired in September. Now that guy made some F*@# You Money.”

The first time I ever heard about F*@# You Money, I was a young economic researcher in the government, getting paid shit. I remember thinking, could these Wall Street guys be any more vulgar? Not only was the amount of money they made offensive, but the ultimate measure of success was in fact an expletive. However, by the time I reached Wall Street, after a few years of government wages and a couple more struggling through most of a doctoral program, I was willing to accept a little more vulgarity. In fact, I embraced the idea of F@&* You Money.

When my divorce was finalized, I figured I would keep the trading gig for another seven years. At that point my alimony payments would be over and I could downsize into a job I really liked. There would be no more 3 a.m. calls about the South African rand and I wouldn’t have to put up with any corporate bull. I even thought that one or two really good years could give me my F*@# You Money—enough to get a house in Vermont, and still have vacations in St. Barth’s.  When I was done trading, I could live full time in Vermont for a fraction of New York prices. In my own way, I could get back to the land.

TJ is still really keyed up about the Merrill story.

“Forget about Krauss and guys like Thain and Blankfein. Congress and the press have been all over the big guys getting paid a truck load for a long time. What is more important is that Cuomo is saying that he thinks 700 people at one firm were way overpaid.”

“But that’s not news — we were all overpaid.”

“Of course we were overpaid, but 2008 was the last year it is going to happen. Even if the banks weren’t broken the regulators will be giving them a proctology exam for years to come. “

“ Ha! So are you saying that comp is just going to be shit for a while?”

“Absolutely, at first I thought it would go back to 2001-type levels [when the hedge fund boom kicked off] but now I think we will be lucky to get back to early-90s type pay.”

“Is it worth it? Or do you just say f*@# you to the street?”

Wow, what a concept. F*@# you to the street because they pay you too little? It dawns on me how much the opportunity cost of doing almost anything else has now been dramatically reduced. Going back to my government employer is looking a whole lot better–especially since the government is actually hiring. I could even use what I had learned as a trader to help sort this mess out. On the other hand, the risk of doing something entrepreneurial is now so much less. Of course, I could always just check out. Maybe I could get that house in Vermont after all. I could live there and make cheese. If only I weren’t allergic to barnyard animals.

Tags: Out on the Street, The Working World, Wall Street